Blues clues

With July coming to a close this week, I’m looking back on what I thought would be a more ‘successful’ month

Did I do the things I wanted to?

Not in the slightest

BUT

It was pretty cool nonetheless.

I think the issue stems from the word success. Initially, I had set out to hit all these wild goals, and that is probably what stopped me.

Or st like that I honestly have no clue. Maybe it was just burnout or maybe the lack of posting made me feel like I could just disappear. Tbh the most consistent thing was laziness.

I felt like I could just do ‘whatever’

I missed days here, didn’t make any content like I was supposed to, didn’t launch the things I wanted to launch

And just like high school, I left everything to the last minute.

But that begs the question then, did I even like or want to hit these goals in the first place.

If the point of building is to do what you love, then the fact that I was relieved to not build, and stressed and guilt for being ‘lazy’ the whole month, begs the question: did I even want it in the first place.

Idk

I rlly don’t

I spent the month all over. (Maybe another big issue lol)

But I made art again, I watched my favorite shows again, I was chill again. Like someone met me press pause for a minute.

The stress doesn’t go away though, and while it was awesome, it almost felt like being in denial.

I have too many ideas that I don’t know what to do with myself when I have that time. So I guess most of all,

This month was a good experiment on limits and figuring things out ig

I honestly don’t know. There’s a lot of that in this newsletter I realize but that’s just the reality lol

Still new to this, and constantly feeling the need to do more and prove myself, not sure how to do that. Seeing kids my age raising and doing and wondering how I can do that to.

but that’s all part of the process. Hopefully this page will get happier as things progress😂

See you tomorrow