Find what charges you

don't wait till your battery drains

I like to think everyone has a battery with a unique power source. Like what will charge you after a long day or week or month.

For me, my source was always tied to creativity, having been an artist for so long.

After moving into tech, I felt that dry up a little. There exists a stereotype of the tech world, and rightfully so, that it’s a cold world of logic and connections.

So you attempt to fit into that, possibly moving away from parts of yourself to fit into something you think you want to be a part of. Something people tell you want to be a part of.

But in that, you end up running someone else’s race.

Striving to hit goals not meant for you, The whole judging a goldfish by its ability to climb a tree scenario.

And that starts the cycle, at least for me, of feeling inferior because you can’t hit those goals, etc…

The battery starts to drain, and before you realize it, you’re running on fumes.

I didn’t even realize it until this past December.

I had just finished finals and was on winter break, My goal was to use this time to level up on my coding skills.

But I just crashed out.

I saw people my age hitting benchmarks I thought I would have hit right now. Convinced myself I was slacking and needed to ‘lock in’

I wanted to be some sort of SWE expert by the end of the break. Every time I wasted an hour doing other things I felt guilty, not hitting those unrealistic goals.

So I just… stopped.

And in that crash out I decided to learn a new skill, so at least I wouldn’t feel entirely useless.

that skill was cookie decorating(I’ll attach pictures at the end lol)

And slowly, the battery began to charge.

I didn’t even realize it at the time, heck it’s months later and I’m just realizing this.

I cam back from that break pretty much just as clueless about coding as when I started, but I felt a lot better. Even though I got like 100 rejections that month, even though I didn’t launch a project, even though I didn’t do anything major, I felt slightly better.

I turned away from art as a career because putting the pressure of making money on it killed the passion, but that doesn’t mean I should have shut it out completely.

Some things aren’t meant to be optimized. They’re meant to be felt.

Creativity, for me, was never about output, it was about aliveness.

And when I made space for it again, even in something as small as decorating cookies, I started to feel like myself.

The truth is, your battery doesn’t recharge from hitting every milestone. It recharges from alignment. From doing things that remind you who you are.

So if you’re feeling drained, maybe it’s not because you’re lazy or falling behind. Maybe it’s because you’ve been plugging into the wrong outlet.

Find what charges you. And don’t wait until you're on empty to use it.

See you tomorrow

PS as promised, pictures of the cookies(plz feel free to roast lol)

these are from December(one of many sets I made that month)

And these are from the serendipity dinner a few weeks ago - still going strong w the cookies lol